things no one tells you about querying

Hi! So, at some point I’m definitely going to write a post about my querying journey, which was VERY unusual and long and painful and terrible. But since I’m not quite ready to do that, here are some things that I didn’t know about querying/signing with an agent. I cannot emphasize enough that this is not an advice post, since I’m not your real dad and I can’t tell you what to do, it’s just my perspective.

1. Publishing is not merit-based. Neither is querying.

The standard advice when you’re querying is to send out batches of about ten queries, wait for feedback, and repeat. If you don’t get any requests from those queries, you might want to take a look at your query letter and sample pages. This advice isn’t WRONG…but it’s also not the whole picture. I queried my book for six months, and got 25 rejections. Most of those rejections weren’t even form responses…they just never contacted me.

It was…painful.

I spent so much time agonizing over my query, my pages, and I did make them better between batches…but I still didn’t get any responses.

But you know what? The query and pages that got me three offers from agents were the exact same query and pages that didn’t get requests, didn’t get into PitchWars, didn’t even get responses. It wasn’t the pages— it was the timing. The people. And maybe it’s more frustrating to think that all of this is random, but I wish I could spare myself all those months of beating myself up and questioning my abilities for something I had no control over.

2. Querying might kill your creativity.

Um, so this one’s a bummer, too. But here’s the thing: the standard advice for querying authors is to have another project to keep you distracted from just staring at your barren inbox 24/7, waiting for the manuscript requests to roll in. This is also excellent advice, and I 100% stand by it!

…If you’re able.

Because if you’re like me, the truth is that you’re probably so invested in the project that you’re querying that your brain will have trouble moving on to the next thing. Even if you really, really want to move on to the next thing.

Please brainstorm! Please make Pinterest moodboards and write your new story and get invested in it, too! But also, if you feel, like, 30% dead inside and extremely art blocked and you simply can’t write something new…there’s nothing wrong with you. Unfortunately, some of us are just Like That™.

3. You deserve to be respected.

One of the many reasons why querying sucks is because you feel so powerless. And you kind of are— you can control your query letter, your pages, but you can’t control how people react to it (or when!). It’s really vulnerable to put your hard work out into the universe and only get negative responses…or nothing…back.

But no matter how bad you want to hear that magical yes, you don’t have to query every agent (Please don’t query every agent. Please be on the lookout for red flags, especially if you’re a marginalized author.)! You don’t have to participate in every pitch contest, you don’t have to hang all your hopes on a certain mentorship program. You don’t have to put up with people being rude to you and dismissive of your time. You and your work both have worth, even if you don’t have some certain validation that you’re waiting for. If an agent doesn’t operate the way you like, you’re always free to withdraw your query.

Obviously, this isn’t free license to be a self-obsessed jerk to everyone— but if your gut tells you something is wrong, you should listen!!

4. Picking an agent is, like, really hard.

…Assuming you did your research up front— please do your research up front. Lots of people who are smarter and better at explaining these things than me have made resources about how to tell if an agent is legit/reputable/a good fit for you. Do your research before you send any queries, and you won’t put yourself in the awkward situation of receiving offers from agents who don’t have your best interests at heart or the connections to get your book where you want it to go!

That said, I’m still absolutely blown away that I ended up with three offers, all from fantastic agents. I was so excited on each of the calls I had with them, and any of them would have been a good pick. No one told me what happens when querying actually works out!

The sad thing is that I could (obviously) only pick one. I’m really excited to work with Victoria Marini of Irene Goodman Literary Agency, but no one prepares you for the feeling of finally hearing YES after so NOs…and then having to turn around and say no to the people who actually believed in you!

5. Timelines mean nothing.

Just because an agent’s submission guidelines says they respond (or don’t) within 8 weeks doesn’t make that necessarily true, especially when the world’s turning upside down. After long enough, you can assume most non-responses are a rejection, but then you get form rejections on queries from 9 months ago. Yes, that really happened to me. It’s wild out here.

My point is that nothing is guaranteed. I had non-responses to SOLICITED queries. Both books I queried, I felt like were THE book, that I would never write anything I cared about that much. I knew querying takes time, but some secret part of me hoped I’d be one of those random success stories you hear about that gets, like, ten offers within a week of sending them out.

I wasn’t.

Sometimes it takes one book, sometimes two, sometimes ten. There’s those freak lightning-fast stories, then there are those of us who spent years writing, revising, querying, repeating. Just because it takes years doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your work, or you. It doesn’t mean it’ll never happen. Some of it is based on skill and experience, but…a lot of it is just plain luck.

And finally, something everyone tells you about querying: It only takes one yes.

Sorry, but it’s true.